What to Do When You Are Not Sure What to Do: Slug It Out Until You Hear From God

What do you do when you are not sure you are doing the right thing for you and your life? I have found myself with this conundrum.

I am an educator with twenty-five years of experience. When I became a teacher, I was driven by my belief that God had guided me into education as a career (more on how that happened in a different post). With years of experience, a few degrees, and tons of experience in grades K - 5th as well as in out-of-classroom positions, I finally became an administrator this summer.

Unfortunately this coveted promotion has come not mid-career as I'd hope, but closer toward the end of my career. As a new administrator, I am required to complete an administrator's course with my district, complete two years of competency evaluations, and clear my administrative credential. All of which will take approximately four years and up to five years.

Here's my issue. I retire in five and half years. Is there value in obtaining my clear administrative credential? Is the monthly income worth the extra hours? Is the process worth the time away from my family?

Once upon a time, I was driven and passionate about school leadership. I wanted to learn more, I wanted to do more, and I wanted to make a difference in the lives of the entire school community. Now, I just want to come home and live my life.

I am ABD on a PhD degree and have very little desire in returning to the process of researching and writing a dissertation. Likewise, I am not that interested in reading policy documents for my district. Nor am I interested in the stress I feel when I think about the test I need to take this spring in order to keep my job. I'm also not interested in being the spoke person for my district when I don't always agree with the message I'm required to relay.

Based upon the above paragraph, the answer is simple, go back to the classroom. Ah, yes. This does sound appealing, but returning to the classroom has it's drawbacks as well. First, I've been out of the classroom for five years. From everything I've heard post-covid teaching is a different beast. Then there is the lost of teaching tools that I would need to re-acquire in order to run an efficient classroom. Also, teaching is exhausting. Mostly, the exhaustion at the end of the day is an inspiring, feel-good kind of exhaustion, but you're still dead on your feet. And of course, there is the money. As an admin, I make approximately 15K more a year than I would as a teacher. That's only about an extra $900 a month, but still - $900 is $900.

My admin friends remind me that with my administrative credential, I can start my own school, become a Head Mistress at a private school, or become the superintendent of any small district in America. And to be perfectly honest, the work I do is not difficult or overly demanding.

Maybe I'm just being bratty. I want the joy I felt when making a daily difference in the lives of my students. I want to know that my daily presence on campus is touching lives. I don't have that joy in my current position. I'm sure there is room for me to create joy or find joy in my position - I just haven't figured it out. Sometimes I have ideas about how I can make a difference in the live of the students, teachers, and families I serve, but I am at a lost as to how to bring my ideas to life.

My husband's advice has been the best thus far, "Slug it out until you hear from God." So here's to slugging. My goal for the month of February is to slug with joy.