What Should I Do?

As Beyoncé so elegantly sung, I am alone at a crossroad. I am alone at a crossroad, not because my husband is not listening, but because I am not listening. Or maybe, I am listening, but I am refusing to comprehend. I have lost my connection with God on matters that pertain to me. I of course know God is with me at all times and is ordering my steps through this life. But right now, I cannot hear. I'm sure He is trying to reach me and communicate His desire for me but I cannot figure out if where I am professionally is where He wants me or if it is where society has placed me because it is the thing to do.

I have been an educator for 25 years. In this time I have taught grades K - 5th, I have been a mentor teacher to new and struggling teachers and a coordinator for magnet students, Title I students, and English learners. I am currently an Assistant Principal. My heart, however, is in the classroom with the students.

So, I'm trying to figure out if I have romanticized classroom teaching (was I really that good at it, did I really enjoy it that much, should I go back and find out) or should I just finish out these last 5.5 years as an Assistant Principal and call it a day. My friends, of course, tell me I should stick it out. Their number one reason for me finishing my career as an educator is the money. But the question I keep asking myself, is, is the money I make worth my well-being?

Mental health is such a buzz topic at the moment. And as someone who has participated in over a decades worth of talk therapy, some group therapy, and art therapy, I am well aware of how priceless our well-being and mental health is. And while my current position is not difficult per-say, it does require a lot of my time, energy, and mental capacity. And I find myself not wanting to give my time, energy, and mental capacity to tasks that are required of me.

All of which, cause me to question whether I should remain in my current position or not. My district requires me to take a course for administrators. I will have to pass an exam in April that will determine whether I can remain in my position or not. And while I should be dedicating a substantial amount of my free-time to studying and preparing, there is such a huge part of me that does not care. I will study the materials and I will pass the exam primarily because I want it to be my decision if I do not continue in this position. I do not want to find myself in a situation where my district removes me from administration. That would not be wise at all.

Therefore, I will make an effort to complete this school year strong, and then make a decision about my career after I pass the exam.

Peace & Blessings